Butterfly Effect

The Butterfly Effect
When you consider cause and effect and how many variables determine a given outcome.
When you can see clear purpose in an event and the seemingly arbitrary variables that caused it.
When you can see reason in chaos.
Can you not see, some things are meant to be.
-King.

It was a beautiful morning. King probably beamed sunshine rays across the glum Melbourne sky to remind me to not be sad. Don't be sad today, Deena.

One month has already passed. There's not much else I can really say except that I miss him.

Nonetheless, I lived out the beautiful morning he gave me and spent it with Bailey. I even decided to take up a challenge of being a Vegetarian for a week, I want to see what the whole fuss is about. We went to eat a veggie patty burger.

The eyes of a juice bottle



Afterwards, Michael picked me up and we went to the grocery store. Then we cooked chicken & sweet corn soup for dinner. I just didn't eat the chicken. We were then meant to watch a movie, but I ended up playing guitar and we lounged about.

It was a bittersweet, peaceful day.

I remember King had his first house party once and it went out of control. Everyone was everywhere and everything got stolen. Two of my phones and my jar of M&Ms were victimized and I was so sad. King just cuddled me for ages, but we were laughing at the night too. Funny because a year later I saw my friend using my phone and I snatched it off him, and the first number that came onto the contact list was my dad's long international number.

I just screamed FUCK YOU THIS IS MY PHONE at him and he said he bought it off his friend and had no idea! How funny is that?

It was my first house party, and the first time I had a drink - Corona and one of those pre-mixed alcopops, Breezers? I had a guava one I think!

Sun Showers

I woke up and got ready. Bailey walked over in the sprinkling rain to escort Raph and I for breakfast.

We went to eat at Raph's mate's cafe. I had scrambled eggs on toast. It was nice to eat all together. I should eat breakfast more often - I haven't had it in months.

We then walked down Smith St and went into a pawn shop to find Chopper Read sitting there just chilling out. Chopper Read was an Australian criminal that robbed drug dealers and tortured leaders of the criminal underworld to give him money (blow torched or used bolt cutters to cut off toes). He was also involved in attempted and accomplished murders. THEN HE WENT TO WRITE AUTOBIOGRAPHIES, CRIME NOVELS and he's even doing art work to sell.
He looks so different with hair

Bailey and I then went off to the Art Gallery that was hosting a Vienna Exhibition. I don't think it was worth the money, there wasn't that much to exhibit but it was different mediums to look at so I still enjoyed it. My favourite part about going to museums and art galleries are the shops though. I love all the funky stuff they stock.

The sky started showering with the sun still beaming out. I hadn't really seen anything like it - it looked like a 100 people were spitting down at me on a nice day.

We went and had tea and macaroons. We went to an outdoor cafe and these Asians were abusing the pigeons so much. Its funny how if you leave them alone they won't bother you (they didn't come and annoy us!) but they just kept on coming back to the Asians to annoy them. I've never seen such violent Japanese people before. Bailey got worked up and told them to calm down. I was a little furious inside too, they're just poor little awkward chubby pigeons!

I was then meant to meet up with Michael. I hopped on the train with Bailey who was going to get off the next stop after me to only be told by Michael that he was going to bail and go elsewhere. I knew he had an upset day at work but I was a little down that he didn't want to go to me. He said I had enough problems to deal with and he didn't want to burden me.

I tried, and tried to convince him that I'm pretty much there but he didn't want to see me. I got off the train, trained back and walked over to Bailey's work where he was meeting with his friend then I walked home instead of catching the tram.
Boys and their competitive streak.. (Phillip the roses giver is an architect)

Dragonball looked like he was having cardiac arrest this morning, so I separated Dragonball and Mochi because they had been showing signs of swim bladder syndrome into a bucket. Did I mention that our tap water comes out cloudy white? I was worried that the contamination was wearing them down as well so I went to the groceries and carried 10 Litres of water home for 2 blocks.

IT KILLED my arms. I had to stop start so many times. And when I got home, the part where the water comes out was broken so I had to ram my fingers up this tiny flap and let it slowly leak out. That took forever and I was in pain.

Oh well, I hope those fishies understand that I ADORE THEM TO BITS.

Michael and I had a talk and he felt better. I think he was threatened that I wouldn't be his close friend anymore and he didn't want to get in the way of Bailey because he's a boy. I told him that if he had a woman's genital part then he wouldn't act like this - and its no different because we're just friends.

He got the point and apologised. I think the bad day at work just went to his head but I'm glad my close friend has come back around.

Captain Bartholomew

Your dawning day is of the waning moon,
Your shining star is of the blackest sky,
Your song is the mocking bird's time
Who knows not how to fly
No less, what's more is what must be
Yours is a love tried and true,
For the moon of waning night is me
The light this dawning day is you
-King.
I went to work and did my shiz nizzle. I had a meeting with Michael the big boss that was sprung onto me and I felt so lame walking through the corporate area in sneakers and a baggy jumper.

I should dress a little nicer to work even though its only me there doing my own thing. After Michael and I discussed the function that's happening this Thursday (it is for Melbourne Spring Fashion Week, they're having a night market at Baraki with designers having their own stalls).

Michael picked me up and we went to return one of the other costumes and then the Aquarium. I stayed up all morning with Captain Bartholomew because he was floating vertically and looked like he was having a spasm.

I was so upset. A month after King's passing and Captain Bartholomew leaves me. I knew by the time that I was leaving to work that it was already too late, and he had gone.

We went to the aquarium to get some kind of solution. The guy told us that we were feeding them wrong, but FUCKING HELL (sorry for swearing but I love my fishies) his colleague was the one that told me to feed them high protein meals twice a day instead of once a week.
Sweet Potato

I was pretty upset inside. I did buy two more fishies though, Pumpkin and Sweet Potato so that I can make the fish count up to 8, my lucky number. I bought proper food and left the shop, bittersweet.
Pumpkin

We went back to mine and buried Captain Bartholomew in my pot plant on the balcony. I was so sad.. but he has now gone to explore a different world. Captain Bartholomew was an adventurer you see! His big bulbus brain allowed him to be a leader. HAHAHA. And he died for the team, so that I could learn that I was feeding them wrong before they all died. Totally admirable.
Some fish species called Niger Trigger

I cleaned the tank thoroughly and realised that my water was getting contaminated. It came out cloudy white but I left it for now as I had nothing else.

I then had a nap and was awoken by Michael telling me that Phillip was calling. He was outside without warning again.

I let him in but he was carrying a rose and a long box. He said that he'd rather hang where no one was around so we hung out in the garage. I opened the box to find 15 roses, each with a note tied around it.

I'll admit that it was a little overwhelming. Each note said:
1. Your eyes are addictively attractive
2. When I think of you.. you make it rain knowing it will shine afterwards
3. You're brave and not afraid to bite back
4. You're beautiful
5. I miss you
6. You're fragile but strong
7. The way you smile..
8. I've fallen for you
9. You're stubborn as an ox
10. You have a good heart
11. You give a grown man butterflies
12. You're an onion that makes my soul sting
and on the fake roses it said, "My heart will be yours until the last rose falls for you."

............hmm I know he reads my blog so..

I told him that I'm a cold hearted bitch to him, that I give him shit and show him the worst part of me. I give him nothing, I don't lead him on, I never feed his feelings - but he said he can't control it and he likes me for the worst part of me.

I'm sure he knows that my feelings don't correspond. He spent the night trying to convince me to go on a date with him, even saying that the roses warrants a date. I got a little mad, saying that giving me flowers doesn't give you any privileges.

He took it out on Bailey a little, jokingly with dry seriousness. Bailey has an arm, legs and chest of tattoos and so Phillip said I was just like him with.. only two tattoos and that I'd probably date him [Phillip] if he turned into a Neo-Nazi (Bailey has a jar head look about him) and listened to German rock.

I just stood there doe-eyed and just told him to calm down.

Raph ended up jimming in, topless and interrupted Phillip trying to convince me to go on a date with him. I had to go out with Michael, so I hurried him along.

I just told him that I'd think about going on a date, but I need convincing. I'm only wanting fun, and no seriousness and Phillip is the polar opposite.

He even said to me, when I was your age I dated a lot and it got no where.. I knew what he was trying to say to me (that I should just stick to one and that's him) but I told him we're at different life stages and I gotta figure that out for myself.

Then Michael and I picked up Simon and went to Crown Casino. Phuong met us there and we watched Friends with Benefits (for my second time). I ended up talking to James, the engineering tutor remember?

My attitude has changed though, before I had an ultimate high school crush on him, and now I still do but I'm just not interested. We are having drinks next Friday though.

Lounge

I woke up and I seriously COULD NOT BE BOTHERED. I've been meaning to check out the Trash & Treasure markets but I can never wake up after my long work shift.

So instead, I rolled around in bed until 5pm. Then I started recording my song for King out of fun.. It took a couple of hours but I got it done in time for when Kevin came to my house.

Michael, Kevin and I wanted to just try food from around the area - especially pub food. So there was one just around the corner from us. It seemed a little quiet for a Sunday but Raph said the food was good.

Well the PROPORTION was huge, and the meal was great! Michael and I shared a porterhouse steak. It needed a little extra seasoning, and a little more cooking - it was so red that it could've been considered blue steak, and thus a little chewy.

But the pesto, mash and beans were superb! And Kevin said his was great too!

Afterwards, we all hung out at my house. Then Bailey came over as he was in the next suburb, and we all hung about. Michael then left as he had work early the next day.

We talked about stupid stuff.. leading onto money clips and condoms in wallets. Kevin bought 3 money clips and so can't carry condoms anymore. SO AS A BEST FRIEND, he dared me to keep it in my wallet for him. So whenever he meets a girl he can be like, I NEED SOME CHEWING GUM ;) ;) ;) and I'd be the perfect wing man.

But. I didn't want to carry a condom around especially if people snooped around in my stuff. I made him write his name on it so people knew it wasn't MINE AND I thought it was only fair if he carried one of my emergency supplies! HAHA.

Then Bailey shared some of his favourite music with me on some dingy USB he found outside his house.
Reminds me of what my dad would listen to, so it was sweetly nostalgic.

Don Don

We woke up and returned the costumes back. We went and got Vietnamese rolls with beautiful crispy roast pork inside. We said hi to Phuong at work, gobbled our rolls and headed to the shopping centre.

I helped Michael chose something for his father. We picked out a nice shirt that even he liked.

Then he dropped me home and I hung out with Raph the roommate. Bailey texted saying he was outside because he had just finished work, which is near mine.

I was so exhausted though that I fell asleep and woke up to Kevin ringing me and buzzing my front door. What's with people coming uninvited to my place these days?

I owed Kevin dinner, so I bought Kevin and Bailey dinner from Don Don, a Japanese casual dining restaurant.

They walked me to work and I got told that our blackboard was being offered $800 to be bought in untouched condition. Apparently the way it had been wiped down looked like a woman looking down sideways. AND I GOT FREAKED OUT, because I completely saw it when I walked in!

But when I took a photo on my phone, it looks completely different.. so you guys are going to have to use a more obscure imagination.

Then I worked..

Heroes & Villains

I slept in and then met up with Michael. Darren and him went and got Mario and Luigi and so I went and got The Bride from Kill Bill.

I got a call from one of the bosses. I'm organizing a function for the Melbourne Spring Fashion Festival. There's going to be little markets set up at Baraki with drinks and lattes being served. Sounds fun, but the bosses knew for months and totally forgot about it and decided to tell me 6 days beforehand. So I'm a little stressed

I quickly went home to get ready, eat McDonalds and leave the house. I got to wear sneakers for work instead of heels which was COMFORTABLE!

Most Asians thought I was Bruce Lee and some internationals made a joke that I was Bruce Lee's daughter. Most knew I was Kill Bill and then there were some who thought I was just some strange yellow banana ninja.

It got a little cold so I ended up hopping into the Luigi outfit. That was fun. I got hit on more than any other week and I was wearing a fat suit.

Michael, Thai (who was Mario too) and I danced on stage like hooligans, I was bopping up and down! I had no idea how to move in the suit so I just made a fool out of myself! Hahaha.

The night was good until a fight broke out in the smoking room. One guy was getting kicked into by 6 guys. Michael went over in his fat Mario suit, and so did I. People looked at us as we tried to settle the conflict, like WTF?!

I didn't feel so scared because I had cushioning. I helped wipe the blood that was streaming down the victim's face and tried to calm him. I was holding on strong. I was so proud. I didn't faint. He put blood all over my hands and even spat blood into it, accidentally and I didn't falter.

Until afterwards when Michael and I were talking about it on the way home, did I start to feel light headed. HAHAHAHAHA so I was right, I could never have done medicine.

Bailey

Best first date ever but it was super strange too??

I woke up at 7am in excitement, bummed around then fell back asleep to wake up at 12. I went to work, did some business, threw work laundry in the wash and held some job interviews.
Bailey was outside my work at 2pm, and me being fashionably late as always I came outside telling him that I had to do laundry. He thought it was my personal laundry but we went to the laundromat next door and just watched tea towels get tussled about for 7 minutes.

I then took them out to fold them and he ended up helping me. A stranger was helping me fold tea towels, how hilarious.

I was peckish so he took me to a cafe in Royal Arcade that looked like a train carriage. I had a croissant and ate some of his brownie. We then made our way to the zoo. We caught the train and I had to call my mum but my phone wasn't working - so I used his.

Not only does he have my number now, but my mum's too! Hahahaha how embarrassing.

The guy at the ticket booth gave us two children ticket prices! We roamed around the zoo. I got dragged through the house of butterflies again. Those creatures are hideous.
I wore my hoodie over my head and wrapped my scarf around my face.

My heart palpitated whenever any butterfly was close to nestling onto me. UGH I JUST WANTED TO GET OUT OF THERE! I just power walked through to the end.

My heart rate was already quite high so when we went to see the insects enclosure, I was concentrating on the locust at the back so it wouldn't scare me if it moved - but then Bailey pointed out one that was RIGHT on the window that I didn't see. I humiliated myself by screaming a not-so-feminine shriek and ran outta there.

After the zoo, we trained back to Flinders Street and walked through the city. We walked through a park and then another park.. and then we found a children's playground...


Can anyone please tell me what this looks like to them?

Poor bugger was meant to be a dragon slide

It was around this time that he learned my name due to me accidentally slipping it out during a story telling process. We then laid on the grass and looked up at the fairy floss sky. I chose a great spot - there were no skyscrapers in sight and only the trees framed my view.

We walked through the second park which was Fitzroy Gardens and ended up in my area. We looked around for dinner but couldn't settle on anything. I wanted crazy meat dishes and he is vegetarian. So - I suggested he can cook for me and enlighten me to the world of no meat.

We bought ingredients and he made something yummy out of it. I have no idea what it was, some kind of Asian inspired udon dish? We hung out with Raph and Chloe but then they went to eat.

I talked to my mum on the phone for a while. I went shopping for her the other day and she was happy with everything I chose except one top so she's sending that back to me! She also extended her shopping list so I'll have to get her some more items.

Then I got a phone call from Phillip saying he was outside. I didn't say I was home, I didn't say my date was finished - so what was he doing there? Raph and Chloe came back at the same time so they let him in.

I told Phillip about work having a heroes & villains night tomorrow and we were brain storming ideas. I told him I had a dream that he bought heaps of Phantom of the Opera masks and put it in a bowl outside my house.

So there he was, standing at my stairway - holding a bowl, a mask and a note that said "I guess dreams do come true - P."

We all stood around trying to hold conversations but for me it was definitely awkward. I was melting inside and I was considering grabbing the fridge door and ramming my head in it.

I think my lounge room was filled with tumble weeds due to major awkwardness. Then Kevin came over and I wanted to explode even more. Bailey copped all the juicy gossip from Kevin about boys and that I'm apparently an unintentional hustler.

I wanted to just poof! and incinerate into dust. SIGH.

We then watched Bailey's favourite movie - Ferris Bueller's Day Off

My first date with Bailey turned into a huge soap opera scene. I can't even write everything because I know people will read it and have a cry. Bailey seemed to be okay with everything or just good at hiding the shame he felt for me.

But anyway, in the end - my impression of Bailey? He's either a good boy or good at playing a good boy. And despite the embarrassing scenes that happened that day, I had a fun little jaunt around Melbourne. The cafe guys at work saw me outside with him and were completely paying me out, serenading me with oOoOoooOhhhHs.

The night ended with Phillip sending me a message, "You're right, my excuse was crap. I do think too much... It's a side effect for me missing you. But you looked beautiful tonight (including the ugg boots you were wearing). And the sight of you made me weak in the soul. I didn't show it but I was nervous. Why do I feel like you make my heart skip a beat... Only it now feels like it's stuck on what seems to be an endless pause. Not wanting the feeling to dissipate."

Eh...