19

As I relax in my bubble bath with a glass of red wine alone on the 10th of January, I feel nothing for a happy birthday - but rather a sad one.

Perhaps because I once looked at 19 being the age where I'd be set on a path, journeying towards bigger things but in fact I'm stuck in a rut with no directions.

So instead of being my own life advocate, I lie here and mope wishing I could still be 18 where no responsibilities clawed into the flesh of my back.

Pressure, pressure, pressure.
For Dennis


The rest of my day spanned like this:
- I fainted due to sickness, twice
- I went to eat Mexican lunch with Pancake
- Tacos and chilli cheese corn is awesome

Corn teeth

- I love banana fritters
- I fell asleep in my apartment like a loser
- Anonymous picked me up and started a fight with me
- I suddenly preferred a lonely birthday
- I texted Kevin to save me
- I crashed Kevin's family's dinner but it was heartwarming for me
- Kevin took me home where Mohabs was working
- I chilled with Mohabs for 2 hours
- Told him my dreams
- Came back to apartment to collapse in exhaustion

These are the highlights of my day:
- My best friend, Deshna ringing me to sing Happy Birthday when she was drunk
Evil face

- My other bestie, Daniel calling to catch up, I missed him
- Usher tickets
- The awesome drawing Pancake gave to me that I will treasure forever

I was so amazed..

Still amazed..


- Being spoiled with a Piano Black Cheki Polaroid Camera from Pancake







- Tacos

- Falling asleep
- Chanel Lipstick from my sister, that was a surprise because it came through Chris not post
- Mohabs the Security Guard giving me cashmere traditional Pakistan scarf, its beautiful! I also got an intricate little purse too (He just came back from Pakistan)
- 409 Facebook posts on my wall (I said thanks to every single one! I think I have arthritis in my fingers)

- Rain
Rain hair


Lowlights?
- The rest of the time
- Aging
- Parking fine
- People picking fights with me on a day that's special, even if I'm not treating it special then expecting me to spend the time to fix it when its not my fault nor should I waste my birthday time on other individual's personal issues that are being inflicted onto me

It's 10pm now, 2 hours left and I'll spend it preparing the move out of my apartment. Maybe I'll pop on a movie and a bottle of wine.

Happy [insert: depressing] Birthday Deena.

Edit:
- Someone came with a cupcake and candle outside my window in the 15 mins left of my birthday
- I'm glad I did get a cake of some sort

- Thought my dad would've emailed me, I mean, his wife's birthday is the same date. I know, I can't expect much as he never remembered but I thought since I visited him in Japan things might have been different? I wished too hard.