Letters

I woke up super early. I couldn't sleep - I was restless.
Simba kept me company, or more so hogged the entire bottom half of the bed. I slept in a foetus position to keep the big puppy happy. He was still lolled across my doona when I woke up.

I stayed in my pitch dark room. I have no windows. It's covered in sound proof material and then a wooden board to keep it up as I have noisy party animal Islanders next door! But I like it. My room always remains the time of night, and the night is mine.

I tried to organize my letter to King for a little bit. I then got ready to go meet with the boys. I'll admit - I had been stubborn. I hadn't seen my best friends in over a year because I was too chicken to handle the pain of missing someone. So, rather than feeling like that, I pushed them away. When I came back to my home town, I tried my best to see no one.

I realise after losing someone so close and dear to me, that that was a stupid fucking attitude.

Luckily, the boys knew how stubborn I am with my feelings and knew that that was what I was doing. I think I was forgiven!

We all had lunch, and then hung about. Then the others finished work so they came and we watched them have lunch. Then I went back, because I had to finish off my letter. It was of dire importance to me even though some said to me that he's not going to read it - I don't care. I owe him a letter. That I.O.U has been withstanding for years now!

I racked my brain for words. And they slowly strung along together to form sentences. Time flew and I went to pick up Desh from her fashion school.

It was so good seeing her, I missed her so much. It was just unfortunate that I was in such crabby circumstances meaning crabby moods so I lacked of energy and enthusiasm for her.

I had to go to a friend's house so we could make some funeral arrangements, so I dropped Desh off to her boyfriend's house and headed off. I went the wrong way, I totally forgot my friend had moved and I crossed over the toll bridge to go to the other side of town. I got there and there had been a heated argument and everyone was heading home.

There is this girl, we'll name her X. As soon as she heard the news about King, she called the family to offer her help. Some called that rude, disrespecting the time the family should share alone. Some said its good. I don't know who she is because I wouldn't know who King is close to these days, but everyone said that King disliked her, wasn't that close to her and wanted to move away from her and her friends. I don't want to bad mouth but the following things she did pissed me off.

As she was the first one to contact the family. The family entrusted her words of saying she was a close friend and gave her a lot of things to organize. The family requested only 15 of King's close friends attend the wake. X compiled the list and left out 2 of King's best friends to bring 2 of her own close mates to the wake.

We asked her why King's best friends were left out and she said the family gave her the invite list. But why the hell would the family think her close friends were King's best friends? They know who King's best friends are.

That made us all fume with anger, especially the best friends who weren't invited. Then she started controlling everything like photos and music and writing to everyone on Facebook like she owned the place. Okay, I'll stop bitching there - but from what I heard she likes to be the centre of crying attention.

I was just so sad that King's lifelong friends weren't organizing it and she wasn't letting them have a word either. I must sound like a massive bitch because its a taboo topic of death. But we were saying that King upstairs would be throwing fists in annoyance.

I went home and stayed up to finish my letter for him. Its so cheesy and I couldn't help it. I was such a perfectionist with it too, I made 2 of my friends read it to check for grammar because I know how King was with his English. My friends said that it was so weird hearing all that from me because I'm so inept at exposing emotion (Blog readers won't think so because this is my outlet).

They were especially stunned at how loving and affectionate I was when I was 15. I was finally going to give King my letter I wrote 4 years ago.

Simba and I then fell asleep. Even dogs have nightmares. I found him shivering and twitching with fear and I woke him up saying, "Simba don't be scared, you're awake now!" and he panted and breathed slowly to calm down. I wonder what his nightmare was about, maybe he dug one of the holes in the garden too deep and his bone went all the way to China? HAHAHA! Wow, that was a terrible joke.