Teng King Ong

I barely slept.

Funny thing was, Simba and I slept together like humans cuddling. I woke up and we were still in the same position as when we fell asleep. My arm around him and his paw around me. It was so adorable and strange at the same time. In the morning his face was in mine and it took me out of my half sleep daze and into a fit of hay fever.

My sister and I quickly went to the shops because she had nothing black to wear. Did I tell you she flew up from Sydney to make sure I was okay? She knew I would be devastated and wanted to be there for me. She told me she never knew she could feel like this for me, which was really sweet.

We tried to be really quick. She found a black dress, and I luckily found a blazer of superb quality but on sale!

We went and got her shoes then went to the florist. I just wanted one red rose because they were King's favourite. I called the family first to make sure its okay because in Chinese culture, red roses were rude. They told me that they were using red roses on his coffin so culture didn't matter.

I went into the florist and it was $13 to have one wrapped and bowed. I opted to just have it in its natural state of just a stem. I think its more beautiful in simplicity anyway - that was only $5.

I don't even want to write about the ceremony. I know one day I'll appreciate reading back on it so I just have to grit my teeth and soldier on.

Dammit - and his song just came on my play list. My mum, my sister and I all went to the ceremony. It was good to see numbers, but not numbers in youth. Its just so wrong to see so many young people to celebrate the short life of a young person.

Everyone crammed in to the chapel, there was so many people standing. I stayed strong. I didn't want to cry. I didn't want to grieve. I wanted him to know that we were all okay so he can move on to a better place.

But as I walked up to the coffin to see his waxy, make up face, it all seemed surreal. He looked fake but my disbelief in everything that was happening had all been confirmed. I broke down, my face swam in a pool of tears and his brother Cheong took me into his arms.

He held on to me for ages until I stopped sobbing. Then I got passed into King's mum's arms. She was strong. I could see how fragile she was compared to when I saw her the other night, and she was already frail then. Then his other brother Lung hugged me and thanked me for everything.

I sat down with my friends and broke down even more, to the point that my face was not only swimming in a pool of tears, but mucus and a little bit of drool too. I don't cry very attractively do I?

We went through the whole ceremonial process. I couldn't remember much as I was focused on his face that was framed above the coffin. I just remember in his older brother's speech he actually mentioned me.

I had no idea but King told his brother that I put dreams in King's mind and Lung was thanking me for that. And now with his passing, he put dreams in mine. His brother used an excerpt from one of the letters I shared with his family.

Remember the girl I named X from the last post? She was storming up and down throughout the ceremony and just pushing through people and sitting wherever she wanted like she ran this town. I was so furious. Who does she think this is? This wasn't a stage for her to interrupt with a show. And she wore bright red! Bright red headband, bright red brooch, bright red shoes, bright red lipstick.

My friend Tom was standing next to me, and he was so close to fainting so I told him to take my seat. I just couldn't believe I was seeing everyone in their worst state.

We all walked to his burial site. At that point, I really broke down. And when they laid his coffin, I could hear his mum wailing and that broke my heart.
I was always known to everyone for my ridiculous greeting cards.. King's envelope

I have never cried in front of my mum and my sister, so they had no idea what to do. I could see how miserable they were to see me showing so much pain. They were used to me copping their sadness, but I stayed away from them so they didn't feel uncomfortable. And in the end I don't want them to think that I can't be strong for them.

I finally got to give him my letter along with a beautiful rose.
I read one of my letters out from him with trepidation shooting down my spine. I was shaking and people were saddened. His word craftsmanship were so intricate and ethereal.

The Wake was a more cheery atmosphere. I looked through all his sketchbooks. And I found my name everywhere - only because I spammed it all over the pages. I found random drawings that I did like this ridiculous dinosaur named Doshina. What was I thinking at the time?!?

And I also scribbled everyone's names and called them cry babies and gay.. And I did stupid doodles of King as well. Hahahahahaha. It was so funny looking through them.

We all huddled to reflect about King but I had to go to the airport already. I said my farewells and everyone was surprisingly gloomy that I was leaving so early. Then I had to run.

Outside, someone grabbed me and just kissed me. He said, "I'm only going to do this once so I don't regret it."
I was a little stunned and ran away. I think everyone is just embracing moments because we're all caught on a wave of realising life is short.

My sister picked me up. We were running late so we rushed to the airport. But we had to let out all our emotions so we screamed our voices to Christina Aguilera, Celine Dion, Bruno Mars and Britney Spears.

I ran into the airport and made my flight just on time! The security guard laughed at my furry purse and said to me that it could almost have a pet name. I said it did and told him his name is Gilbert. Then afterwards I quickly muttered, "I probably shouldn't have told you that!"

He laughed and put little Gilbert through the X-ray machine.
The plane ride was horrible. But for some reason I was one of the few that got to have a meal. I don't even know why because I didn't pay for it.

Maybe it was for that shitty little foot area I got which gave me deep vein thrombosis (not really).

Michael picked me up and we headed to work. I then decided that in the end I probably shouldn't have rushed to fly back. I thought I wanted to get my mind busy but that whole day was emotionally draining and instead Michael took me to the beach. I spent some time alone staring at the stars, staring at the moon, staring at the sea and stepping into the little cold waves.

I saw a shooting star. I knew he was just saying hi.