Friday, January 27, 2012


"I am an artist as much to speak, to create, as I am to listen and learn.
Creation is a journey, Self-discovery is Art.
Your work is what you learned, shared with the world."

Disappointment - it's a big word to swallow huh?
It's even harder to swallow down if you receive it five folds.

So I've received 4 phone calls and 1 email in the last 24 hours from family friends all expressing their disappointment in me.

Okay so I'm not following the traditional steps of university right now but I just don't know where I want to go. I don't want to enroll in any degree just to get their satisfaction.

I've learned that Engineering is not for me, nor does it invoke any passion out of me.
What can I say to make them understand that - I promise wholeheartedly that I will not fail. I'm not trying to be lazy, I'm just trying to find me.

I just ask for patience and I will deliver.
Don't worry, its a BB gun.


lalaaaanita said...


I got an OP12. Not exactly what's required for acceptance in an Asian family. My family friends who know how badly I did don't really talk to me about it, but I know behind my back they're discussing how they don't want to turn out like me.

People are weird expectations of you, and of me. Failure is never a bad thing. I suppose this is a good thing - because now, you can watch their faces when you end up doing something great, something that they didn't expect from you.

Somehow, I have a feeling that I'm going to be in a similar place to you in a year's time. I start Engineering at Griffith in exactly a month. I'm terrified, and I don't know what I want.

BUT I DO ENJOY YOUR MUSIC. If I had a voice like yours, I'd never talk - I'd just sing sing sing. You're amaaaazing.

Ryan and I are well. Minus the whole give and take thing. I feel as though I'm never really going to be good enough, and I always feel guilty whenever I try to make plans (because he always picks me up, always drops me off, always pays for stuff). But it's good. I'm enjoying time with him. I just wish it'd stop raining!

I hope things with you and Bailey get better :( take care, beautiful girl.

Maria said...

Hey Deena,

I always love how honest your blog is, I wish there were more out there! I felt compelled to write to give you whatever advice I have to give, I myself have been in a similar situation (and kind of still am).

The thing is, everyone is on a constant search to find out more about themselves, some are just more open about it while others like to hide behind it. What you have as an advantage is the fact that you're still young and full of life. So the way I see it is it's better to try and find your place in the world now while you have the freedom. If you put it off and settle for what others expect of you, you'll never really be happy.

Do all the small things that make you singing, drawing and eating (lol) It's those small things that paint the bigger picture and make a person who they are. A career and all that other serious crap comes after! Enjoy the world now, because its something worth seeing with eyes wide open.

- Ria