Thursday, December 8, 2011

Heavy Heart

"I have values, ideals and beliefs. Thereby, I am convicted.

By these three things I have my own perception of the world - my own judgment for which I am responsible. Therein, I am my own person.

Therein, I have depth, I have character - therefore I stand before you a man.

For take away all that I have but you can never take away what I believe in. This is the man I am."

-Teng King Ong

Oops, so I realized I never mentioned that I was going to America. I guess I felt a little ashamed. I felt embarrassed that I'm not one step closer to finding my little niche in life. Then I go and postpone it even further by planning a whim of a trip a few weeks beforehand, tell my mother that I've booked my tickets and just go.

I got to see my best friend, Desh. I missed her so much.

I don't know. King has left my mind into pieces. I have no grip and I think this might be healthy for me.

I had dinner with Cheong, King's brother. We chatted away for nearly 4 hours so easily. There were times were I laughed hysterically and moments where my heart sank alongside my food to the stomach.

I don't want to sulk. I think it's just overwhelming again because I'm back in Brisbane. In Melbourne, I would never see King anyway even if he was still treading on this earth. Now that I'm back I've had to comprehend that I can't see him even when I'm back home. Ah shucks, that's enough - just know that my heart is heavy and that's enough of a rant.

Apparently, today was the coldest day in Brisbane in December since 1888 (I didn't type this wrong).
I've always wanted to know this fact about sand!


Deshna said...

I could be an Indian movie star.. and you could be my Jay Chou

lalaaaanita said...

Niche in life? Pfft, you're still young. And I think it's better you take all this time to do what you want rather than end up doing something you hate for the rest of your life.

Also, I'm loving that I can tell which shopping centre you were at. There aren't that many with carpet floors ;)

lalaaaanita said...

I will travel :D I don't really know what I'll be doing in the next six months, but I will be going places. Somehow, I'll make it work :)

Probably :P Melbourne is kind of incredible after all - what I can remember of it anyway! I was born there, but moved when I was 8, and have only been back for little holidays since. I love Sunnybank. I feel like Sunnybank now. THANKS DEENA :(

I know what that's like. I can understand why things don't work out for people like us - defensive mechanism ftw. But I dunno, I wanted to take the chance, and even though I still have this 'shield' up, blocking Ryan out, it's working out okay :) He is not Asian (there's a picture of him and I at formal a few posts down), and he is 18. Which works out great for my 17-year-old self, since he can drive and buy me alcohol (I finished year 12 okay :P It's been a tough year!)

I HOPE IT'S AMAZING! I think you should take lots of photos, especially with Bailey. Enjoy yourself, and experience everything. I am jealous - I'm hoping to go to the US in the next few years. Just need to somehow scrap together the funds.

I have no plans! Working two jobs, and just chilling. My brother and mother leave 22nd, and my dad leaves for Melbourne on the 25th. So I am all alone for Christmas, though I have plans with friends to keep me company :) How long are you planning to be in the US? What are you doing there, where are you going, etc etc? :)

PS: It's pretty awesome, I have to admit. I think people would think we're weird if they stalked us enough. No worries though :)