Tuesday, September 13, 2011


I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do.

Okay, let me tell you the predicament. I've quit university, obviously. I hated it with a passion and I looked through every course and found no interest in ANY of it. So this semester, I quit.

Now that I've quit, there's no point in me being here all the way in Melbourne when I have a home back in Brisbane. Being a Bar Manager doesn't really warrant to a great job to live interstate for right? And I can't really go on doing that until I prune up into a wrinkly old fool.

So, mum wants me back. She's lonely and I'm hopeless so I might as well make use of myself somewhere. She only wants me back for a little bit though, to help her with a few things like moving houses. Then she wants to send me to Taiwan to my grandparents. If I'm going to be a lost sheep, then I might as well spend time learning another language while figuring out what my life is for.

But do I want to do that? I feel like I'm wasting the prime years of my life. I've got less than a month to say anything. They're going to start applying me into schools and visas soon.

And another thing, I'm losing my mind. Death haunts me everywhere and I can't help it. Other people's relatives are passing away and they're not close to me but I just hear of it. And like Raph my roommate didn't come back for 2 days and I automatically thought something bad happened to him. Michael didn't answer my messages for a while and I thought of death. AJ's (my other roommate who is in Indonesia right now) stepdad's son died yesterday. It's like I can't escape the thought that death lurks around and it can happen anytime. Crap crap, I sound crazy don't I?

Can someone help me file my thoughts into neat piles so I can see things with clarity? I've always been stubborn and a hard shell but I think its come to that point where my bottle is full and I've gotta trust others to guide me.
I changed my blackboard from this, I'll show the new one soon!

Eek! If there was a dream job out there for me that suited me, what would it be?

I decided to go for a run but in the end, I came home being even more poopy than before. I helped Raph with his rap. He couldn't get his chorus in tune so I ended up singing it for him - it actually sounds semi-decent! Then he couldn't get his timing right so I had to rap for him and he said I put a little melody to his rap and he loved it so he's recording from beginning.

Now he's going to cook me dinner and bring me home some chocolate because I've been craving it all day.

I talked to King's mum all day and it was depressing. My friend found a lump on his chest and won't get it checked out and I got a little upset. He hypocritically forced me to go to the doctors during my stubborn time and every day reminds me to book in my operation so why won't he go this time?

Darn it. I gotta start writing my letters for everyone. I've only completed my mum's. Now I've done my sister's!

My sister's letter started with, "You have been both the greatest and worst sister. I think you'd know why. I went to hell and back for you with forgiveness right by my side."


lalaaaanita said...

I'm so worried that I'm going to hate uni. but I can see what you mean ... I don't think I'd want to go to Taiwan to learn another language ... it's not the kind of atmosphere that I'd want.

I think you need to think about the things that YOU want.